Tips for Dating After Divorce With More Self Worth Than Before

The act of choosing divorce defined a fundamental shift in my relationship with myself. I became someone who values myself enough to walk away from a bad situation (even if I took too long to do so). I’m a different person post-divorce, so naturally dating after divorce is also different.

In the best way.

Sure, it often looks the same on the surface. But internally, everything can feel different when your self worth is no longer where it used to be. So, how do you get there? Read on.

Before You Start Dating After Divorce

I strongly urge you not to dive immediately back into the dating pool after your divorce. You have the gift of time with yourself!

This is the space in which you integrate your lessons learned and consciously step into your next desired version of yourself. Don’t shortchange yourself, do this instead:

1. Get to know yourself and clarify your values

One of the most grounding things you can do before dating after divorce is to get clear on who you actually are now.

Not who you were in your marriage. Not who you think you should be.

Who you are in this season. What matters to you. What you care about. What you will no longer tolerate. When you know your values, dating decisions become cleaner.

A connection either aligns or it does not. You stop trying to force compatibility where it does not exist, because you have clarity on the life you’re designing for yourself.

2. Allow time to build self trust and confidence on your own

Dating is very different after you learn how to be okay on your own. This does not mean isolating yourself. It means giving yourself time to become whole on your own.

How do you build that self trust and self confidence? By doing things on your own. Things you might previously have relied on other people for. This could include building a piece of furniture, taking yourself out on solo dates or even traveling by yourself.

For me, solo travel played a huge role in rebuilding self trust and confidence and I’m a big advocate of it for that reason. It’s why I now even offer solo travel coaching.

It doesn’t matter how you rebuild your confidence and trust in yourself, just that you do. The best way to grow is by stepping out of your comfort zone to discover what you’re truly capable of.

3. Seek and strengthen non-romantic relationships

One of the biggest shifts in self worth happens when you stop expecting one person to meet all your emotional needs.

Family, friends, children and even pets all offer real love. When your life already contains meaningful connection, you won’t show up to dating starving for affection.

Dating feels very different when you are not trying to fill a love deficit, but simply exploring romantic connection from a place of fullness.

Once You Begin Dating After Divorce

This is when the internal work starts to show up outwardly. How you put each of these into practice can provide you with helpful ‘data’ on the state of your inner world and level of self worth.

4. Stop changing yourself to be chosen

When you’re secure in yourself, you stop reshaping yourself to fit what you think someone else wants. You stop editing your personality, softening your needs or shrinking ‘inconvenient’ parts of yourself just to stay connected.

You know who you are. You know what matters to you. And when something is not a fit, you don’t view it as a personal failure. You take it in as information.

5. Date without looking for validation

With more self worth, the nervous system settles. You are no longer walking into dates hoping someone will confirm that you’re enough.

You are not trying to perform or impress or manage perception. You’re simply meeting another person and paying attention to how it feels to be around them. Your worth is no longer on the line.

6. Stop betting on potential

When we permission ourselves, we permission others.

The more we’re able to accept and love ourselves, to see our own worthiness, the more we can honor who other people are as well.

This frees us up from betting on potential. You are who you are – can I accept that at face value? I am who I am – can you accept that at face value?

Of course, in relationship people can evolve and grow together. But if you find yourself bargaining with yourself about how a potential partner could drastically change, or how you could, then let the alarm bells sound.

Dating after divorce becomes much cleaner when you stop anchoring yourself to future versions of people.

7. Trust behavior more than words

Words still matter. Communication still matters. But with more self worth, words are no longer enough on their own.

You pay more attention to consistent action and follow through. You’re more alert to whether you’re being fed a word salad or if there’s actually proof to back it all up.

Stop explaining away behavior that does not match what is being said.

8. Release the pressure to know the outcome immediately

I entered my previous marriage with tons of societal pressure on my shoulders. Because I was the eldest daughter. Because I was nearing 30. Because, this is just what you’re supposed to do – find a man, get married, buy a house, ‘settle down.’

If you don’t take the time to get to know your true priorities in life you risk entering your next relationship with even more pressure. You might think, “I’ve already failed at this once,” or, “will this relationship be ‘the one’ to justify my divorce and make it all worth it?”

Let that pressure go. The stronger your self worth and self relationship the less likely you are to date from a place of panic or urgency.

This time, you can allow the connection to unfold instead of trying to force it into certainty too quickly.

9. Let go sooner when it is not right

Higher self worth changes how long you stay when something is not working. You stop hanging on out of fear, guilt or emotional momentum.

You’ll stop staying just because you already invested time.

Not only will you recognize misalignment sooner, you’ll be able to leave with less inner chaos because letting go of another person no longer feels like losing yourself.

Listen to the episode for more on dating after divorce

Dating after divorce with more self worth than before does not mean dating becomes effortless. Old patterns will still surface sometimes. The difference is how quickly you return to yourself.